early bed, class tomorrow. i dont want to turn my itunes off. its been so nice to me all day. FIT tomorrow xDD im so going to get lost. can’t wait.

cleaning my room and listening to panic! like a 12 year old. i love my life atm. its going to snow.  =[. FIT classes start tomorrow. hope there is a cute boy in my class. that would make my year complete. i want my heart to face me, not the world.

i love how instead of doing my homework im drawing dress stuff. fuck yeahhh

my hands have been sweating for a week because of this stupid college interview.

chicago better be worth it.

today i got to sew all mother fuckin day.

party tonighttt???

upstate qith my granny and aunt and mom and chris. fun. hopefully i get to go shopping today!! chicago on thursday i can not fucking wait xD

today i saw cancer, cigarettes, and shortness of breath in a girl who looked to be about 27 but had only been recycling air for just barely 16 years. her nicotine laced blood and breath seemed to remind me of my grandfather whose body decayed from the inside out, starting with the black hole in his chest someone might at one point might have called a heart, but i hadn’t been around long enough to see if it ever really existed. my mother claimed she wasn’t either because he had been addicted since such a young age of 3 or 4 with his father. At one point i had called this girl my best friend, but not since i saw her clutch that bottle similarly to that man who had made my childhood much different than most other kids. Or the way she light up her cancer stick with the zippo that was so similar to the one that man had dropped on his vodka saturated mattress and blood. I saw her future come into focus and her mistakes reflect his mistakes and destroying her children and her children’s and all those who fall in-between. 

i need a boy who reminds me of nick santino and plays guitar and sings to me.

and when i cry myself to sleep at night my eyes shed the feelings i once had for you long before i knew they were there.

BLINK-182 REUNION MOTHERFUCKERS. i feel like i need someone to kiss like its new years

i talked to ashley without anyone else around. it made me happy. im so sick of the way everyone seems to be towards me. i am my own perosn and nothing like the person oyu think im going to become. I HATE THAT PERSON. i want to crawl into a hole and die sometimes just because i can’t even deal with myself anymore.

sometimes she just makes me want to run until my bones break and i can’t stand anything anymore

i wish we could make something more of this awkward situation of me and you.

im going to buy a domain name, what should i call it?

i missed your grumpy face today. need to get out of the house

i honestly think my head is about to explode. i need to not go to school tomorrow. like thats all i need is sleep until forever.

fuck the super bowl im soo happy swimming is overrr