i hate thinking you’ll be the one to leave. i know i won’t. i hate getting up in the morning. i just want to sleep next to you forever. i hate the way my alarm clock sounds. i want to live without one for a while. i hate the way i fall asleep alone. i want to feel your arms pulling me close to your chest. i hate the way they still make me cry. they shouldn’t anymore, but smiles are rare. i hate missing you, you are so close always. we just have different arms pulling us back. i hate that sometimes your smiles don’t reach your eyes. i feel like i’m failing you. i should hate her and her and her and her and her, and usually i do, but they shaped you into mine today. i hate this rant. it turned into a sappy love letter.
i need to be able to be happy. i need to not me so tired. i need to finish what i’ve started. i want to write. i haven’t written in so long. i need to paint. i need a creative flow. im so blocked. i feel myself shutting down i just want things to change but i know they wont. i need justin. i need aj. i need a hug. i want a kiss. i want to cuddle and fall asleep next to you and not have to get up to go home. i need to be free. im so tied down to shit i don’t need to be tied down to. i just want to be tied down to you.